April 15, 2024
Melissa Valerio
My 12-year-old son, Victor, knows exactly how to get under his sister’s skin. Being on the autism spectrum, Holly is sensitive to loud noises. Fireworks terrify her, sirens are tolerable if they’re a safe distance away, and fire alarms get her fidgety and restless. But unsuspecting “boo”s from her brother…. well that just sends her off the deep end. He knows exactly what he’s doing when he sneaks up on her and yells “boo” right next to her ear. He’s doing it to get a reaction out of her; to irritate her. Yes, I know siblings do these things to each other. But it feels like he’s using her autism against her. Like it’s targeted at her inability to control her feelings.
The Bible has something to say about this — Proverbs 11:12 says “He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his peace.” (NKJV) Essentially what this means is that a fool starts trouble out of nothing, but a wise person will keep peace and unity amongst the people around him. Try explaining that to a 12-year-old!
Here’s my plan….I’ll start by explaining to him that we’re all made in the image of God, including Holly (and all special needs people). Finding a weakness in her and then scraping at it is belittling her; and that is unacceptable. Not only because she’s a person with feelings but especially because she’s part of our family. She’s one of the precious people God chose to place in our family; love and respect should outshine in the home more than anywhere else. Then, I’ll remind him that he may be older, yes, but that does not give him the freedom to disregard his sister’s feelings. God placed him above his sister (in age) to love and protect her. To show her what the love of Jesus looks like when we’re part of His family. Finally, I’ll remind him that Jesus was also mocked and ridiculed. Even worse, He was beaten and bruised for us. It hurts to think He went through all that so we could be with Him. The least we can do is love the flock that He died for.
So, the next time Victor has the urge to startle his sister with a loud sound, we’re going to try surprising her with a kiss on the cheek instead. That should go over much better. Hopefully. 🙂
Prayer: King Jesus, You created each of us in Your beautiful image. How dare we regard some people as unworthy of Your love. Condition our hearts to love everyone as You do. To treat everyone with respect and dignity. Help us to keep peace where there is already peace, and to be wise in You alone. In Your holy name, Amen.
Action: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Some things are better left unsaid, and some things should be said. Instead of speaking a negative word that will start a wildfire, try speaking a word of kindness.
image: freepik.com